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at said, our intention is NOT to cause your sweetie to freak out on a first date by bringing up the subject 
of the thousands of dollars
of credit card or student loan debt that you (or McDreamy) are hoping to pay off. Our point is simply that once you can see yourself getting serious with your potential mate, we believe it's time to start talking about money. As to the exact timing, again, it really is up to the unique nature of your particular relationship. For instance if you are wondering how your mate can afford the fancy Vegas vacations and high-priced meals on a teacher's salary, it's reasonable to bring up money early on. Relatedly, if you have some financial hiccups of your own, we believe it's important to come clean earlier rather than later. We've heard of all too many seemingly promising relationships that end when after an extended period of dating, one partner discovers the other is deep in debt. Typically this issue is not so much the debt, as the fact that it was not discussed early on. When you start to Get Financially Naked, you'll learn a lot about your financial compatibility simply by seeing how your honey responds to your bringing up the topic of money.
2. What if I know my partner is not receptive (or I find out during the conversation that my partner is not receptive) to talking about the topic of money?
Just because you get an initial cold shoulder doesn't mean you two are doomed in the financial harmony department. Our recommendation is to tee up the conversation by talking about YOUR views on money, and seeing if you can ease in with the Financial Foreplay questions from Chapter 3. The key is this: Don't give up and be persistent. Your mate's reluctance to discuss money could very well be simply a sign of painful, but resolvable, issues in their money history (recall the exercise you did in Chapter 2 about your money history and what you learned about yourself). A cold shoulder does not mean it's okay to just ignore the conversation about money. It means there are some underlying issues that, if explored, may actually bring you closer—emotionally and financially.
As you approach the topic of money with your honey, if your partner is reluctant to talk about money, you'll want to be very sensitive to how you respond to anything that does bubble up. Money is a hot button for many people. When your partner does begin to open up, it is essential that you listen and be supportive to whatever is said. There will be plenty of time down the road to discuss areas of disagreement or places where compromise are needed.
3. My partner is wonderful, loving and very generous toward me. However, I'm worried because the math just doesn't seem to add up. When I look at what my mate does for a living, it doesn't appear to be the type of career with the salary level necessary to pay for the kind of lifestyle my partner leads. How do I bring this up?
The harsh and sad truth is that literally millions of Americans, at all ranges of the income spectrum, live beyond their means. They bridge the gap between their income and their expenses by running up hefty balances on their credit cards or taking equity out of their home. If this is how your mate is funding their lifestyle, you owe it to each other and the integrity of your relationship to know about it. Maintaining a lifestyle beyond your reach through the use of credit is not sustainable and typically ends up resulting in severe financial distress—not to mention the possibility of being hounded by bill collectors or ending up in foreclosure. One way or the other you two will end up discussing your finances. Your goal is to do so before it torpedoes your relationship.
Time to Start Peeling Back the Layers
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